揭开面纱：我的生活解决美国的冷案件[有声读物]

保罗·霍尔斯（作家、叙述者），《揭开面纱：我的生活解决美国的冷案》
本程序由作者阅读。
《发现金州杀手的侦探》是一本关于调查美国最棘手的冷案的回忆录，以及一桩破案的回报和代价。
我又点了一杯波旁威士忌，干净的。这是可以打开开关的饮料。我甚至不知道我是怎么来到这里的，到了这个地方，到了这个地步。最近我出了点事。我喝得太多了。当我从腐烂尸体的噩梦中醒来时，我的床单湿透了。我又点了一杯，然后大口大口地喝了一口，试图忘记最近一个我无法摆脱的病例。
对我来说，解决犯罪问题比狩猎或拼凑科学谜题的过程更复杂。一想到好人受苦，无论是好是坏，我都会陷入痴迷。人们总是问我如何才能从工作的恐怖中解脱出来。一部分是天生的划分能力；剩下的就是经验和曝光，我已经有了很多经验和曝光。但我一直为自己能把感情锁起来完成工作而感到自豪。直到最近，人们才感觉到所有被压抑的黑暗都开始渗出。
当我回顾我漫长的职业生涯时，有很多我感到自豪。我抓获了一些21世纪最臭名昭著的杀手，并为他们的受害者和家人伸张正义并予以了结。我想告诉你们，我一生都在解决这些冷案件，从拉西·彼得森到杰西·杜加德，再到匹兹堡凶杀案，是的，还有我二十年来对金州杀手的追捕。
但当我问自己，要付出什么代价时，一个更深层次的问题困扰着我？我牺牲了人际关系、快乐甚至父爱，因为追求邪恶总是第一位的。我做了正确的选择吗？这是我每天都在努力解决的问题。然而，当我站在一个年轻女孩最后一口气的地方，当我看着她的家人的眼睛时，我知道，对我来说，从来没有选择。“我不知道我是否能解决你的案子，”我低声说。“但我保证我会尽力而为。”
我知道我能信守诺言。
由青瓷书制作的麦克米伦音频作品
Unmasked: My Life Solving America’s Cold Cases [Audiobook]
Paul Holes (Author, Narrator), “Unmasked: My Life Solving America’s Cold Cases”
This program is read by the author.
From the detective who found the Golden State Killer, a memoir of investigating America’s toughest cold cases and the rewards–and toll–of a life solving crime.
I order another bourbon, neat. This is the drink that will flip the switch. I don’t even know how I got here, to this place, to this point. Something is happening to me lately. I’m drinking too much. My sheets are soaking wet when I wake up from nightmares of decaying corpses. I order another drink and swig it, trying to forget about the latest case I can’t shake.
Crime solving for me is more complex than the challenge of the hunt, or the process of piecing together a scientific puzzle. The thought of good people suffering drives me, for better or worse, to the point of obsession. People always ask how I am able to detach from the horrors of my work. Part of it is an innate capacity to compartmentalize; the rest is experience and exposure, and I’ve had plenty of both. But I have always taken pride in the fact that I can keep my feelings locked up to get the job done. It’s only been recently that it feels like all that suppressed darkness is beginning to seep out.
When I look back at my long career, there is a lot I am proud of. I have caught some of the most notorious killers of the twenty-first century and brought justice and closure for their victims and families. I want to tell you about a lifetime solving these cold cases, from Laci Peterson to Jaycee Dugard to the Pittsburg homicides to, yes, my twenty-year-long hunt for the Golden State Killer.
But a deeper question eats at me as I ask myself, at what cost? I have sacrificed relationships, joy—even fatherhood—because the pursuit of evil always came first. Did I make the right choice? It’s something I grapple with every day. Yet as I stand in the spot where a young girl took her last breath, as I look into the eyes of her family, I know that, for me, there has never been a choice. “I don’t know if I can solve your case,” I whisper. “But I promise I will do my best.”
It is a promise I know I can keep.
A Macmillan Audio production from Celadon Books

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